Faithfulness or Ambition

I'm at an interesting point in my life right now. I finished my master's degree right at a year ago now and have thought a lot recently about future plans. At the same time, many of my friends have also recently finished their degrees and are moving on to new jobs and new cities. And yet, I am still here in Marlin working two jobs, one of them being the part-time youth pastor job I've have for 4 years now.

I would be lying if I said there weren't days when I wonder if it's time to move on and pursue a new job. After all, there are many reasons to start a new phase in my life. I could consolidate into a single (better paying) job. This would also free up time to spend with my family. I could find myself at a bigger church in a bigger town with bigger opportunities. I have a better degree than four years ago which could open up new possibilities. And, we could move closer to family to have free babysitters (aka grandparents).

However, despite all the reasons to leave, we are still here. Why?

Because I want to believe in faithful ministry. Yes, it would be easier to pack things up and seek a new, great opportunity for me and my family, but part of ministry means considering those to whom you are actually ministering. In the case of my church, my family feels a need to stick around a little longer. When I came, the church had seen 4 pastors in the previous decade and as many youth and children's pastors. Needless to say the church has grown accustomed to pastors coming and going every few years.

But I can't help but wonder if this is good. Sometimes I wonder if pastors are truly driven by God's call on their life or if they are driven more by ambition.

I suppose some could accuse me of having a lack of ambition. "Why don't you go pastor your own church? You've got a degree, do something with it! You've got so much talent, why waste it on little old Marlin?"

But I know my own heart, and the truth is I have too much ambition. I lust after those dream jobs. I dream of becoming a famous pastor, writer, teacher, etc. It's too easy for me to salivate after a community that would "actually respond". Yes, there is plenty of ambition in my heart, but I know what I also need is faithfulness.

Too many pastors are adept at the art of "church-jumping." They see an opportunity that is attractive (and just so happens to pay better as well) and find themselves resigning from their current church because "God is calling them" to such and such a church.

Now, I'm not saying that every pastor who leaves a church is like this. I believe there are many genuine calls from God to move. However, I also know it can be very easy to confuse God's voice with our own lusts, whether they be for power, prestige, or money.

Why do I stay in Marlin? Call it an experiment in faithfulness. I want to believe that God is found as much in the weak and little places as in the big and powerful places. I want to believe that amazing things can happen when we stick it out through the tough times and remain faithful. But most of all, I want to be very wary of "following my heart" before following Christ.

I'm sure one day God will call me and my family to someplace else, but when that time comes I want to make sure of a few things. I want to know for sure that it is God's voice and not simply mine, and I want to know for sure that I have done all I can do in my present location and ministry. And perhaps the American church could benefit from faithfulness like this. Maybe we as pastors need to stop bowing to the celebrity cult our churches want and bow down the the Messiah who conquered sin and death with a cross--a tool that stands for weakness, humility, and foolishness.

Learning from Nietzsche

Nietzsche! Surely nothing good for a Christian can come from Nietzsche! After all, this is the man who boldly proclaimed that "God is dead." How can we learn anything from his nihilism?Whenever many people (especially Christians) hear Nietzsche's name, that is a typical response. The name itself carries connotations of evil and rebellion against the way things are. Yet, perhaps there is still something to be gleaned from what this German philosopher had to say.

Recently, I read Nietzsche's essay, On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense. Indeed, the essay begins on quite a negative tone as Nietzsche laments "how miserable...and transient, how aimless and arbitrary the human intellect looks" given the fact that humanity must one day perish. After this, he goes on to discuss why "truth" is nothing more than a "social arrangement" perpetuated by the desire for power. In essence, what we call "truth" is only true because society defines that as "true."

Nietzsche's main reasoning is taken from the nature of language. Language, being a human invention, is arbitrary by nature. There is no direct correlation between words and the objects they represent. Thus, although I call my the thing I read a "book," there is absolutely no reason why I could not call it a "dog." The only reason I call it a "book" is because that is what society has decided is true. Nietzsche takes this idea further to argue that ALL of reality must be interpreted and described by words. Thus, because language has no direct tie to reality's essence, any description of truth is simply our version of reality. In the end, reality's essence can never be understood. Even if a transcendent truth exists, we can never grasp that truth.

So how does a Christian respond to this? Because, the fact is, I would agree with his observations on the nature of language. Must I accept that we can never understand or express a transcendent truth?

While I do not agree with Nietzsche's ultimate conclusions, I think that there is something important for us to glean from his work. Namely, we need an attitude of humility. Nietzsche has a good point when he argues that everyone filters reality through the lens of their own experiences and preconceptions. So, in one sense, none of us have a perfect objective view of the world. None of us have the same view of reality as the person next to us. We each have our own perspective that we work through.

I cannot help but think of Paul's words that "now we see in a mirror dimly...now I know in part" (1 Cor. 13:12). We must each recognize that, no matter how knowledgeable we are, we can never fully understand the reality before us. There will always be aspects that surpass our understanding. Therefore, this requires humility in all our interactions. If we are not all-knowing, then we must always be open to the possibility that we are wrong.

Nietzsche also railed against this assumption that our versions of truth were correct. While I disagree with his notion that truth is purely a social construct, I do agree with his frustration over people assuming they are correct. If a transcendent truth does exist, and if we can only ever see in part, then it is all the more important to make sure that we never sacrifice that truth for something that we have constructed for ourselves.

"Since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse...but [they] exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures." (Rom. 1)

What have we assumed is true that is only our own creation? Do we ever think that we could be wrong? May God help us maintain humility so that we can see more fully.